The deeper I dive into the misconceptions of love, dating, and relationships, the more questions I have about what I believed to be true or accepted in the past🤔. Unlearning has become necessary for repositioning myself, and in that I have had to pose tough questions in my search for understanding.
As an alum of the Match Marry Mate™ program, Mavens (the nickname students are given in the course) were challenged to learn ourselves and develop standards and boundaries that protect the woman we identified. I will share one of mine here.
Standard: 🧚🏾♂️ A man that I date should be chivalrous and respectful toward all women, not just those he’s attracted to or can gain from.
I concluded that a man who has not challenged himself to see women beyond her utility is not for me. If a man’s lifestyle does not reflect care and appreciation for all women, regardless of what she can/will do for him, he is not matured enough to partner or build with me.
🚩He’s the man that might insist, despite how poorly he treats other women in his life, that his daughter will have a pedestal.
🚩He’s also the man with a track record of mistreating women, but when he’s gotten my attention will try to convince me that I’ll be the exception.
“Head Over Feels” is a mantra secured on my 2022 Vision Board. It simply means that I will no longer allow unreliable feelings to cloud reasonable judgement in my romantic relationships. I will filter my consumption against my values and his production in the varying categories that are significant to me partnering.
🚫Wishing for “love” from a man that only sees me based on my availability to him is unwise.
✅Instead, I will await the love that does not require any performative acts of me.
🚫Granting a man access to my body that could potentially lead to reproduction, without evidence that said man has the emotional maturity to rear healthy individuals… is unwise.
✅Instead, I will make informed decisions regarding the engagement of my body sexually.
Lauryn Hill sung “Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves.” However, they will not continue to lie to me ✋🏾!
My personal power over manipulation, is clarity✨! Now, it’s my responsibility to rightly divide.
This boundary alone provides layers of protection for me against unfruitful connections. Worthiness is my birthright. If I was born deserving, any man who has already come to that understanding about humanity is evidently more aligned.
As I continue to do my work, I will arrive in spaces where my knowledge of self will help me to easily recognize and decline options that are not compatible. As I continue to set and enforce my boundaries I will narrow my community down to likeminded and healthy individuals who cultivate growth in my life. I’m grateful for this understanding and I’m excited for more lessens and wisdom.
As Joyice always says, We grow as we go®️!
🐢 V.N.Y. 🦋
7 thoughts on “Head Over Feels”
So beautifully and eloquently inspiring!
This spoke to my soul! Such a beautiful post centered around gaining clarity about the people we choose in our life. Head over feels enables us women to make empowered decisions based wisdom and understanding.
Very mature words from your that have been mused and thought through and over determining to be better and not make the same mistakes! I am proud of you!! The word says your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit abd that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! Wear your crown with dignity baby!!
This is absolutely beautiful and more importantly necessary. I feel super connected to this body of work and commit to aligning my self work and relationship with these standards. Thank you so much for sharing ❣️
This was a beautiful reminder of the need to heal, learn and grow! I choose me from here on out. #HeadOverFeels
Hey Vanessa, I thoroughly enjoyed the article and the thoughtful insights within it. Period. Head over feels is a very catchy, trendy, but also truthful and enlightening concept.
I affirm everything you write and would only like to add that the power of faith in God to help us all is a key component to staying true to the concepts you outlined. Attempting to live out these goals in our own wisdom and strength may not be impossible, but it is improbable. Men need God’s help to view women as image bearers of God to be loved and respected. Women can look to God to see the perfection of unconditional, sacrificial love.
Our worth and value is given to us by God because we are made in His image; therefore, we are deserving of dignity and respect. I have always admired the way you carry yourself as a woman. You embody elegance and I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to support this blog. Blessings to you and yours from my entire family. GREAT article.
Amazing and true. proud of you and I am inspired.