What Is Partner Buffering?

Share Post:


Special 09: What Is Partner Buffering?


Remember from Carlissa from our first suite of episodes? She’s back to give us an update and talk to us about her love life and motherhood since she first met with me. 


Today’s episode is an insightful and honest conversation about “eldest daughter syndrome,” co-parenting with an ex, partner buffering (including the two personas that this practice requires), and the power of your “yes!”

I created this guided presentation for you to learn more about partner buffering in a way that a podcast cannot easily teach. It’s a 25-minute visual presentation that introduces this relationship concept as a relationship practice, including attachment styles and boundary conditions. It also includes relationship examples using popular television and film couples and prompted questions for your to extend the conversation with others. {This is a paid resource.}



We discuss:

    • [0:43] Happy one year anniversary to the Match Marry Mate show! 
    • [1:29] Welcome back my very first podcast guest.
    • [4:44] An overview of what you can expect from this episode. 
    • [7:21] The research project I presented at the Love Consortium Conference at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.
    • [9:03] Carlissa shares her gratitude for the podcast and some of the biggest lessons she learned from our session a year ago.
    • [14:02] Expectations often placed on the eldest daughters in Black families and how it can play out in their relationships. 
    • [16:28] The dynamic between Carlissa and her ex. 
    • [17:43] A hiring analogy that offers a useful way of determining whether someone is likely to be a good partner for you. 
    • [21:25] Why Carlissa is content with being alone right now and where she is focusing her time and energy.
    • [32:41] How Carlissa feels about ending her previous relationship. 
    • [34:56] The power of your “yes” as a woman. 
    • [43:39] Carlissa shares some of the ups and downs she has experienced on her co-parenting journey.
    • [51:18] I explain what partner buffering is and the two personas (‘agent’ and ‘target’) involved in this practice. 
    • [53:47] Carlissa shares her experience of partner buffering. 
    • [58:25] Unpacking the roles of the ‘agent’ and the ‘target’ in partner buffering scenarios. 
    • [1:03:41] I share advice on how to deal with the urge to protect your children from every threat.
    • [1:13:32] How Carlissa has grown over the past year. 
    • [1:20:25] Today’s heart and thought provoking questions for your journal. 

Click here to listen!

Rate, Review, & Follow on Spotify 


“I love the Match Marry Mate Show.” <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you — feel more confident and ready to move toward the relationships, marriages, and families that they desire. Be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode in your review.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. I add various kinds of content monthly and, if you’re not following, there’s a good chance you’ll miss out. Follow now!

Links & Literature Mentioned in this Episode:



We grow as we go,

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Thank you for interest in my blog. I provide topics in dating, exclusivity, relationships, marriage, spirituality, femininity, and psychology for Black women. Want to request a topic? Email me! I’ll respond  with the link if I chose your topic.


Stay Connected

Read More