February 16, 2024

21: Her Inevitable Divorce

The Match Marry Mate™ Show
The Match Marry Mate™ Show
21: Her Inevitable Divorce
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Show Notes

Thank God for therapy. Thank God for dating coaches. Thank God for all of it!” – Taccarra
“He can be a ‘good guy’ with good intentions–and that alone cannot equal ‘your yes.’ He must possess the character and skills that should be accompanied by his ask or request of you. Sometimes, we as women becomes so drawn to a man’s intention that we overlook the fact that character and skills are lacking.” ~ Joyice 

Intro:
Greetings, Lovebugs! Welcome to our seventh experience. I welcome Taccarra Davenport who shares her marriage-to-divorce story while delving into the complexities of relationships, societal pressures, and the impact of religious teachings.

Taccarra also opens up about her personal struggles, detailing moments of challenge and the emotional toll of unhealthy relationships. We discuss vulnerability, communication, and understanding each other’s needs, and as we unfold her journey, Taccarra’s realization of relationship patterns and her decision to file for divorce becomes a poignant moment. Separation. Tune in for an episode filled with wisdom, vulnerability, and the shared journey towards healthier relationships.

Until next time, please remember that if you have a Secret Story you want to share with me, I invite you to drop your truth! I also invite you to enroll in the Nurturing My Self-Esteem Mini-Course or grab the Feminine Identity Bundle.

Time Stamps:

  • [2:23] – My guest Taccarra and I discuss divorce and its aftermath.
  • [5:06] – I respect Taccarra’s balance between openness and discretion.
  • [7:29] – Taccarra helps professional women redefine success and discover authentic identities.
  • [9:50] – Taccarra’s shares about meeting her ex-husband to divorce with lessons learned.
  • [12:38] – Taccarra recounts the beginning of her relationship, starting in the military in Korea.
  • [15:23] – Taccarra’s transition to a LD relationship after moving to Maryland for nursing school.
  • [17:56] – Taccarra discusses the logistical challenges of her relationship.
  • [19:51] – Although Taccarra underwent pre-marital counseling, the identified areas for improvement ultimately led to divorce.
  • [20:49] – I discuss the Church’s role in addressing challenges faced by couples and emphasize the need for comprehensive ongoing support.
  • [24:39] – Taccarra reflects on the Church’s role in her premarital counseling, noting its simplicity and the need for more nuanced guidance.
  • [27:18] – Taccarra still feels that she overlooked crucial flags before marriage.
  • [29:03] – Taccarra shares her mother’s guidance on relationships during her college years.
  • [31:22] – Taccarra reveals her lack of exposure to relationships, stemming from her parents’ separation and a focus on education.
  • [33:29] – The timing of advice, depending on the context and setting, is very important.
  • [36:13] – I delve into the psychological aspects of religious messaging, exploring how beliefs impact the experience of intimacy within marriage.
  • [38:05] – Taccarra discusses the challenges in adjusting to married life.
  • [40:17] – We explore the profound impact of words and their weight in marriage.
  • [43:56] – Taccarra reflects on the unintended impact of her words, realizing the significance of making her husband feel needed and wanted.
  • [46:14] – Hear Taccarra expand upon her definition of need, emphasizing the significance of community.
  • [48:04] – Hear about how their marriage initially improved in Germany.
  • [50:59] – Despite a positive period, old patterns resurfaced.
  • [52:35] – I stress the importance of journaling for reflection.
  • [54:57] – Taccarra speaks on researching family history to consciously break harmful patterns.
  • [56:19] – Taccara details how, recognizing the persistent patterns, she opted against enduring more, leading to a divorce decision.
  • [58:46] – We discuss how being stuck in the marital home during the divorce process brought emotional challenges and trauma.
  • [1:01:18] – Navigating through the divorce process, changing names, and dealing with inquiries became overwhelming emotionally for Taccarra.
  • [1:03:17] – I describe how I faced the emotional task of sorting through years of pictures, creating three piles, and ultimately passing them onto my oldest son.
  • [1:05:04] – In her new home, Taccarra sorted through marriage photos, facing pandemic-induced loneliness and emotional challenges.
  • [1:07:55] – Taccarra expresses enthusiastic gratitude for therapists and dating coaches.
  • [1:10:45] – Taccarra identifies inconsistencies as having been the biggest red flag.
  • [1:12:17] – Despite red flags, Taccarra continued, drawn by her husband’s potential.
  • [1:15:40] – Charismatic nature made Taccarra overlook red flags, relying on assumptions.
  • [1:21:43] – Taccara reveals that, growing up with limited interaction with her father, she lacked consistent male guidance and affirmation.
  • [1:24:49] – Taccarra argues that being part of a community imparts wisdom, enabling one to learn from others’ experiences.
  • [1:27:04] – Taccara has learned that her purpose is to create community and mentor women.
  • [1:29:40] – The church lacked teachings on dating for fun, leaving a gap between being single and marriage.
  • [1:32:24] – Marriage shouldn’t lack fun, and the journey to true happiness shouldn’t take years!
  • [1:33:14] – Taccarra enters the Sacred Sisterhood Circle with me.

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Literature & Links Mentioned

  • Her Inevitable Divorce Blog Post {+ Episode Guide}
  • 13: I Feel My Power