Ladies, can we chat? Kinfolk Kollective’s post steps on some toes—whew! Let’s discuss respect + value, and I’ll add some insight on what y’all call a “high-value man?”
I am noticing a lack of distinction that can cause us to believe being respected is synonymous to being valued. It can be, but it’s certainly not an automatic given. Many women have shared with me that there seems to be this tense moment that they cannot quite put their finger on. When we unpack it, it’s usually the distance between being respected and feeling valued.
While there is a difference between a man respecting the women in his life and a man who respects women in general, this post is mostly about the former.
It’s deeper than this, but in listening to women, it typically shows up like…
👉🏾Respect is mostly about how you are treated (not necessarily how you are viewed and seen).
🙃If you ask a man: Do you respect the women in your life? He’ll likely respond, “yes.” Usually because he believes he *treats* women “right” or he doesn’t allow others to *mistreat* them.
🤔These men may perform chivalrous acts like holding doors, pumping gas, and walking on the street-side. And women often conclude: He respects me. Because they are getting “good” *treatment.*
👉🏾Value is mainly about being seen as meaningful, understood as unique, heard as necessary, and realized as essential to the extent that a certain level of care and protection is offered (and later secured).
✨It’s a level of consideration just because you’re present.
✨It’s an intentional authenticity because you’re worth it.
✨It’s a sense of protection because you matter—you mean something (period, not just to him).
✨It’s an intimacy that says I see you and couldn’t dare to hurt you (or watch you be hurt).
✨It’s a service that gives without a performance to solely “win” or “gain.”
✨It’s an inclusion of your unique thoughts, ideas, needs, and desires because they add value to the decision at-hand.
✨It’s the complimenting and celebrating of you because he’s proud of you and practices loving you.
✨It’s an acknowledgment of who you are because you’re you.
👏🏾Did you know it’s possible for men to open car doors and fix flat tires and never raise a voice at you, and still not value you?
😳Can you imagine the “mess” a daughter inherits when she finally realizes—oh, my father respects me but not women?
🤯Or when she’s confronted with if he even values her?
👉🏾It shouldn’t take the birth of a female child to respect or value women, especially if women were active in raising him.
🤨In these Dating & Relationship Streets, it’s crucial that you assess how men respect + value women. It is not as simple as “vetting” for a “high-value/quality” man.
😔Because it’s possible to meet a “high-value” man who does not highly value women!
🙋🏾But, I’d argue that he’s not even a “high-value/quality” man if he doesn’t value women.🤷🏾♀️
💛Women coached by me know how to ask: How do you value women (in general), and the women in your life? How does fathering a daughter (real or imagined) shift how you view women?
😍For the record, *I* couldn’t “disown” my sons. I don’t believe I own them in the first place. But, that’s a post for another day.
We grow as we go®️,