Special 05: Marriage As A Cultural Norm

Share Post:


Special 05:

Marriage As A Cultural Norm


Should marriage be a cultural norm for Black Americans? How can create that culture and socialize our sons and daughters accordingly? I’m sharing the four events that led to my latest phenomenon. 



As I scoured through research literature, Black scholars supported “the institution of marriage'” for Black people, though they’d argue for more variety (among other things). What say you? Is marriage for Black people?

My research ideas are still underdevelopment, so I have landed yet, but I wanted to invite you to take this journey on exploring marriage as a cultural norm for Black Americans. What are the issues? Where can we improve? Who needs to do what? Can we even get on board? These are the types of questions that I ask myself and that I am asking you.

I serve up this episode with facts, history, culture, and a combination of my storytelling with research literature. Here and there, I offer some opinion, but mostly, I want to hear from you as I pontificate ways to approach my study and heal our community. 

Then, I answer three questions I have received from you listeners about pastoral patriarchy and partnership marriage, the relationship between male leadership and stewardship, and my use of the phrase “relationship domains.”

By the end of the episode, you’ll know consider the state of marriage and family for the Black community, decide your thoughts and opinions about it (and what you want to do about it), better understand your views of gender roles (mainly male headship and hierarchy), and ways to heal our community

I created this episode guide for you to have the questions and research excerpts in one place to chew on. This episode guide includes various articles that summarizes today’s episode topics. You can download it here and free up some time while you enjoy listening and learning. Want the paid version?



Here’s what included in the paid version:

  • Introduction (Altar, Wedding & Marriage Prep)
  • Is Marriage for Black People?
  • What is Patriarchy?
  • Does American Marriage Need a Reboot?
  • Mixed Messages and “The Rift”
  • Marriage As A Cultural Norm
  • Questions Asked & Answered
  • Examining Biblical Womanhood
  • Examining Black Womanhood
  • List of Literature & Links
  • Notes Pages
  • Quotes Pages

What I review: 

[2:25] – Exploring marriage as a cultural norm has become a focal point for me lately.

[4:07] – I emphasize education and community support for lasting impact in healing relationships between Black men and women.

[6:52] – The first event was my latest research project.

[8:33] – I emphasize marriage’s value in the Black community.

[10:22] – Single fathers are often overlooked, but I see you!

[13:44] – The second event was my re-read of The Making of Biblical Womanhood.

[14:39] – I challenge traditional Western and Christian patriarchy in marriage.

[17:01] – Dr. Barr’s position on male headship and leadership.

[20:04] – I question male hierarchy.

[22:36] – I ponder an undeniable order in parenting without rigid gender roles.

[25:08] – The third event was the feedback on this very mini-series!

[27:34] – I refer to “the rift” between Black women and men.

[30:42] – The mismatched messaging within the Black community.

[33:42] -Boys and girls should receive complementary messages about values and traditions they are expected to carry into adulthood.

[35:33] – I mention Kerry Washington’s position on naming and identity as an example of women responding positively to a patriarchal tradition.

[38:45] – Men’s desire for women’s companionship without commitment prompts me to contemplate societal shifts and perspectives.

[40:59] – I answer a listener’s question regarding three marital structures.

[42:34] – I urge Black women to discern between Western/Christian and Pastoral Patriarchy in relationships.

[44:58] – I answer a listener’s questions about leadership within marital structures, specifically in the Black Christian community.

[48:12] – In considering submission, I explore a man’s responsibility to uphold quality in his household.

[49:26] – I answer a listener’s questions about using the term “relationship domains.”

[50:33] – I conclude with an excerpt from a book titled Marriage in Black.


Click here to listen!

Rate, Review, & Follow on Spotify 


“I love the Match Marry Mate Show.” <– If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me support more people — just like you — feel more confident and ready to move toward the relationships, marriages, and families that they desire. Be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode in your review.

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. I add various kinds of content monthly and, if you’re not following, there’s a good chance you’ll miss out. Follow now!


Links & Literature Mentioned in this Episode:




We grow as we go,

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Thank you for interest in my blog. I provide topics in dating, exclusivity, relationships, marriage, spirituality, femininity, and psychology for Black women. Want to request a topic? Email me! I’ll respond  with the link if I chose your topic.


Stay Connected

Read More

What Is Partner Buffering?

Special 09: What Is Partner Buffering?   Remember from Carlissa from our first suite of episodes? She’s back to give us an update and talk